I chuckle at how my last entry was about taking walks.
We stopped taking walks not long after that post. A matter of fact, we didn't go on anymore walks at all. Funny how quickly life changes.
Lately, in my poetry, I have been speaking generally about past pain and present hope. Delving into the fray that grays the edges of our lives. The way inwhich past choices and future opportunities somehow touch regardless of how relentlessly we may try to seperate them.
I try not to live a life with much regret. However, there are choices, in retrospect, that I would like to do-over. Then I stop and sit with the life lessons and realize that while a do-over is not an option application is certainly optional. The choice to apply or not to allows us to step into that redeemable space. Future choices can give purpose to past mistakes, if we are willing to apply. I find that this often frees me from regret.
I've also been pondering the manner inwhich I regret those choices that have relational impact above those that have other types of impact. These struggles tend to be accompanied by a perceived guilt and shame and I am left wondering, "Does anybody know? Can anybody see?"
Just some food for thought.
I have no answers and lack conclusions.
I will be posting some new pieces in the near future.
"I went to bed last night with life's worries. While I was sleeping they gave birth to new thoughts. When I woke I dressed them and sent them off to school. They will likely return in the evening grown back into life's worries and there they will find me sleeping."
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Excited & Exhausted
I have nearly completed 3 full weeks at Seattle Urban Academy and I am both exhausted and excited! There are so many bright and powerful youth who grace the grounds of this school every day, but they are so lost. They are disjointed from the God who loves them, living in a community that isn’t sure how to value them and all while searching for a hope that they know exists but are afraid to accept.
They challenge and push and prod all day long and I know it is because they are seeking after a great many things such as: healing, hope, value, their identity, safety, home, comfort… The list goes on and on.
I pray that God gives me a discerning spirit. One that is able to say the right thing at the right time and do the right thing when it is required. I need a humility that can admit when I am wrong and when I don’t know. I need a heart that bleeds for God’s young people. Most importantly, I need faith and trust that is sovereign and working for the good of those who love God.
I pray that God gives our youth peace and bold spirits to puruse what their hearts truly desire. I pray that they have eyes to see beyond the static and ears to hear what lives in the disonance. I pray that they discover their passion, purpose and identity in Christ.
I know that God is good and in control even when things seem crazy and off-center.
They challenge and push and prod all day long and I know it is because they are seeking after a great many things such as: healing, hope, value, their identity, safety, home, comfort… The list goes on and on.
I pray that God gives me a discerning spirit. One that is able to say the right thing at the right time and do the right thing when it is required. I need a humility that can admit when I am wrong and when I don’t know. I need a heart that bleeds for God’s young people. Most importantly, I need faith and trust that is sovereign and working for the good of those who love God.
I pray that God gives our youth peace and bold spirits to puruse what their hearts truly desire. I pray that they have eyes to see beyond the static and ears to hear what lives in the disonance. I pray that they discover their passion, purpose and identity in Christ.
I know that God is good and in control even when things seem crazy and off-center.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Walks
We take walks.
We stroll along the sidewalks of life making noise like heartbeats with the pitter patter of our feet against the pavement of our emotions.
I am loyal and quickly committed to your simplicity and quirky temperament,
So I temper my thoughts with the dampening of myself
If you know me too fast I feel connected and so I hide behind walls painted with facades through which only Jesus goes
Otherwise this broken heart shows and this spirit glows and I trust you, you love me and suddenly we are paused in place with no pursuit
Friendship is easier to procure and less risky, you aren’t likely to lose
So we choose more walks with longer sidewalks until neither of us know what this is
We stroll along the sidewalks of life making noise like heartbeats with the pitter patter of our feet against the pavement of our emotions.
I am loyal and quickly committed to your simplicity and quirky temperament,
So I temper my thoughts with the dampening of myself
If you know me too fast I feel connected and so I hide behind walls painted with facades through which only Jesus goes
Otherwise this broken heart shows and this spirit glows and I trust you, you love me and suddenly we are paused in place with no pursuit
Friendship is easier to procure and less risky, you aren’t likely to lose
So we choose more walks with longer sidewalks until neither of us know what this is
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Cry Out!
Dear Friends and Family,
The past few months have been an incredible roller coaster of excitement with my job, church and life transitions galore! Throughout it all God has been incredibly faithful to not only sustain me, but to provide me new vision for the direction of my life and career. I am excited to share with you where God is leading me.
Nearly 2 years ago I met a wonderful couple, Celestine and Tara Ezinkwo. They moved from Los Angeles to Seattle by God’s leading to build Cry Out! a faith based non-profit located in Renton, WA. Cry Out! exist to develop youth leaders and pursue justice for those who are oppressed in their communities, their cities and the world. Cry Out! uses creative platforms such as music, dance, arts and workshops focused on life and creative skills to empower the youth. Cry Out! seeks to encourage and empower young people to use their God given freedom to seek justice for the oppressed to cry out for justice. It is a powerful ministry that is growing rapidly in the heart of Renton.
Over the past few years I have been asking God, “How can I use my passion for the Arts in tandem with my love of young people and experience in Christian Community Development?” The time has come and God has answered! As of July 1, 2011 I will begin raising support to become a full-time staff member with Cry Out!. This is an exciting move of faith, and I want to invite you to join me on this journey. As afull-time staff member at Cry Out! I will focus on Arts program development,school-based service and ministry,Arts workshops,and a continued to commitmentto youth at the King County Youth Detention Center.
I know God is calling me to join CryOut! in reaching the youth for Christ through the Arts, but before becoming a full time staff member, I need to raise 3,000 dollars in monthly support to cover my cost of living in order to focus on full time ministry. Would you prayerfully consider joining my support team financially by giving $25, $50, $75, $100 or any other amount each month? For example, if only 30 people join my support team by giving 100 dollars a month that would cover my 3,000 dollars in monthly support. Please join me in this journey of faith and outreach to the spiritually and materially poor through CryOut!. I’ve included an insert with further information of how you can become a ministry partner. Thank you for your interest!
Lastly, attached to this email is the Cry Out! brochure and my support card. For more information on CryOut! please visit www.cryout.net If you would like to set-up a time to chat further about Cry Out! and my move let me know. I would love to share coffee/tea or a meal with you!
In God’s Hands,
Nikkita Oliver
The past few months have been an incredible roller coaster of excitement with my job, church and life transitions galore! Throughout it all God has been incredibly faithful to not only sustain me, but to provide me new vision for the direction of my life and career. I am excited to share with you where God is leading me.
Nearly 2 years ago I met a wonderful couple, Celestine and Tara Ezinkwo. They moved from Los Angeles to Seattle by God’s leading to build Cry Out! a faith based non-profit located in Renton, WA. Cry Out! exist to develop youth leaders and pursue justice for those who are oppressed in their communities, their cities and the world. Cry Out! uses creative platforms such as music, dance, arts and workshops focused on life and creative skills to empower the youth. Cry Out! seeks to encourage and empower young people to use their God given freedom to seek justice for the oppressed to cry out for justice. It is a powerful ministry that is growing rapidly in the heart of Renton.
Over the past few years I have been asking God, “How can I use my passion for the Arts in tandem with my love of young people and experience in Christian Community Development?” The time has come and God has answered! As of July 1, 2011 I will begin raising support to become a full-time staff member with Cry Out!. This is an exciting move of faith, and I want to invite you to join me on this journey. As afull-time staff member at Cry Out! I will focus on Arts program development,school-based service and ministry,Arts workshops,and a continued to commitmentto youth at the King County Youth Detention Center.
I know God is calling me to join CryOut! in reaching the youth for Christ through the Arts, but before becoming a full time staff member, I need to raise 3,000 dollars in monthly support to cover my cost of living in order to focus on full time ministry. Would you prayerfully consider joining my support team financially by giving $25, $50, $75, $100 or any other amount each month? For example, if only 30 people join my support team by giving 100 dollars a month that would cover my 3,000 dollars in monthly support. Please join me in this journey of faith and outreach to the spiritually and materially poor through CryOut!. I’ve included an insert with further information of how you can become a ministry partner. Thank you for your interest!
Lastly, attached to this email is the Cry Out! brochure and my support card. For more information on CryOut! please visit www.cryout.net If you would like to set-up a time to chat further about Cry Out! and my move let me know. I would love to share coffee/tea or a meal with you!
In God’s Hands,
Nikkita Oliver
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Ezekiel 37 - Dry Bones
I think God may have revealed to me the biblical basis for why I do spoken word... more thoughts to come.
Ezekiel 37
The Valley of Dry Bones
1 The hand of the LORD was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. 2 He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3 He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
I said, “Sovereign LORD, you alone know.”
4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath[a] enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”
7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.
9 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.
11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.’”
One Nation Under One King
15 The word of the LORD came to me: 16 “Son of man, take a stick of wood and write on it, ‘Belonging to Judah and the Israelites associated with him.’ Then take another stick of wood, and write on it, ‘Belonging to Joseph (that is, to Ephraim) and all the Israelites associated with him.’ 17 Join them together into one stick so that they will become one in your hand.
18 “When your people ask you, ‘Won’t you tell us what you mean by this?’ 19 say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am going to take the stick of Joseph—which is in Ephraim’s hand—and of the Israelite tribes associated with him, and join it to Judah’s stick. I will make them into a single stick of wood, and they will become one in my hand.’ 20 Hold before their eyes the sticks you have written on 21 and say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will take the Israelites out of the nations where they have gone. I will gather them from all around and bring them back into their own land. 22 I will make them one nation in the land, on the mountains of Israel. There will be one king over all of them and they will never again be two nations or be divided into two kingdoms. 23 They will no longer defile themselves with their idols and vile images or with any of their offenses, for I will save them from all their sinful backsliding,[b] and I will cleanse them. They will be my people, and I will be their God.
24 “‘My servant David will be king over them, and they will all have one shepherd. They will follow my laws and be careful to keep my decrees. 25 They will live in the land I gave to my servant Jacob, the land where your ancestors lived. They and their children and their children’s children will live there forever, and David my servant will be their prince forever. 26 I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant. I will establish them and increase their numbers, and I will put my sanctuary among them forever. 27 My dwelling place will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people. 28 Then the nations will know that I the LORD make Israel holy, when my sanctuary is among them forever.’”
Footnotes:
Ezekiel 37:5 The Hebrew for this word can also mean wind or spirit (see verses 6-14).
Ezekiel 37:23 Many Hebrew manuscripts (see also Septuagint); most Hebrew manuscripts all their dwelling places where they sinned
Ezekiel 37
The Valley of Dry Bones
1 The hand of the LORD was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. 2 He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3 He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
I said, “Sovereign LORD, you alone know.”
4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath[a] enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”
7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.
9 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.
11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.’”
One Nation Under One King
15 The word of the LORD came to me: 16 “Son of man, take a stick of wood and write on it, ‘Belonging to Judah and the Israelites associated with him.’ Then take another stick of wood, and write on it, ‘Belonging to Joseph (that is, to Ephraim) and all the Israelites associated with him.’ 17 Join them together into one stick so that they will become one in your hand.
18 “When your people ask you, ‘Won’t you tell us what you mean by this?’ 19 say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am going to take the stick of Joseph—which is in Ephraim’s hand—and of the Israelite tribes associated with him, and join it to Judah’s stick. I will make them into a single stick of wood, and they will become one in my hand.’ 20 Hold before their eyes the sticks you have written on 21 and say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will take the Israelites out of the nations where they have gone. I will gather them from all around and bring them back into their own land. 22 I will make them one nation in the land, on the mountains of Israel. There will be one king over all of them and they will never again be two nations or be divided into two kingdoms. 23 They will no longer defile themselves with their idols and vile images or with any of their offenses, for I will save them from all their sinful backsliding,[b] and I will cleanse them. They will be my people, and I will be their God.
24 “‘My servant David will be king over them, and they will all have one shepherd. They will follow my laws and be careful to keep my decrees. 25 They will live in the land I gave to my servant Jacob, the land where your ancestors lived. They and their children and their children’s children will live there forever, and David my servant will be their prince forever. 26 I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant. I will establish them and increase their numbers, and I will put my sanctuary among them forever. 27 My dwelling place will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people. 28 Then the nations will know that I the LORD make Israel holy, when my sanctuary is among them forever.’”
Footnotes:
Ezekiel 37:5 The Hebrew for this word can also mean wind or spirit (see verses 6-14).
Ezekiel 37:23 Many Hebrew manuscripts (see also Septuagint); most Hebrew manuscripts all their dwelling places where they sinned
Friday, June 24, 2011
Ima Sucka
If being in love is for suckas then I’m the blue kind with the bubble gum center.
My heart feels like it was slammed in a car door like a finger
This pain it lingers
Like I’m stuck in traffic, it’s a parking lot
The conversation between my heart and my head where my mind tells my soul to slow down before it winds up dead obliterated by this game we call love
It’ll drive you insane and send you off on the wings of a dove
To be attack by an eagle and shat out into the sound
Where a fish will swallow it up never again to be found
That is what loving you will do to me
And that’s the terrifying part of giving it up
Not giving IT up
Giving love up to you
You see cause I’m a sucka for a good romance
That slow dance
Where two bodies move as one finding the rhythm and groove in the journey of our feet along this melodic path turning obstacles into harmonies
And naysayers into falicies
Our love reigns victoriously
Until an opposing King or Queen shouts “Off with her head”
And suddeny our love is dead
And here I am back in bed
Burying this decapitated stone into wet pillows soiled with the pieces of my broken heart and the romances with guys that barely start
Aside from the drawn out DTRs that happen in my head where I can’t remember if the “I love you” line was mine or his
Loving you is rarely fair
Rarely fair trade
It is bought and sold in this capitalistic system
Trampled and pist on
By every guy who thought he got close enough to determine that he didn’t like what he could see
But left me to deal with his nearness and the feelings I was experiencing
Christian men, you all seem to function the same,
Telling me to guard my heart but you neglect your call to protecting
Instead you are reaping and picking, selecting and dissecting
Until you find the one you want keeping
But you don’t see what you have sewn
In your wake we’re left reaping your take
Until our hearts grow fake pressed in with a stake
Turned into movies like black women’s diaries
So fire me or sue me but just don’t consume me
I’m a sucka for love the blue kind with the bubble gum center
My heart feels like it was slammed in a car door like a finger
This pain it lingers
Like I’m stuck in traffic, it’s a parking lot
The conversation between my heart and my head where my mind tells my soul to slow down before it winds up dead obliterated by this game we call love
It’ll drive you insane and send you off on the wings of a dove
To be attack by an eagle and shat out into the sound
Where a fish will swallow it up never again to be found
That is what loving you will do to me
And that’s the terrifying part of giving it up
Not giving IT up
Giving love up to you
You see cause I’m a sucka for a good romance
That slow dance
Where two bodies move as one finding the rhythm and groove in the journey of our feet along this melodic path turning obstacles into harmonies
And naysayers into falicies
Our love reigns victoriously
Until an opposing King or Queen shouts “Off with her head”
And suddeny our love is dead
And here I am back in bed
Burying this decapitated stone into wet pillows soiled with the pieces of my broken heart and the romances with guys that barely start
Aside from the drawn out DTRs that happen in my head where I can’t remember if the “I love you” line was mine or his
Loving you is rarely fair
Rarely fair trade
It is bought and sold in this capitalistic system
Trampled and pist on
By every guy who thought he got close enough to determine that he didn’t like what he could see
But left me to deal with his nearness and the feelings I was experiencing
Christian men, you all seem to function the same,
Telling me to guard my heart but you neglect your call to protecting
Instead you are reaping and picking, selecting and dissecting
Until you find the one you want keeping
But you don’t see what you have sewn
In your wake we’re left reaping your take
Until our hearts grow fake pressed in with a stake
Turned into movies like black women’s diaries
So fire me or sue me but just don’t consume me
I’m a sucka for love the blue kind with the bubble gum center
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Free Write: Knot in the pit of my stomach...
Knot in the pit of my stomach why must you persists?
The tightness is confining and my eyes cannot resist the need to create release through tears held back by fears shouting out, "The people might see"
They might see that I am not as strong as I pretend to be
My legs are jittery
I am proned to running
I have had this itch like a twitch in my limbs for far too many years
But my will is stronger than it used to be so I stay longer than I was intending
Rendering the deepening of roots of this tree that are preventing me from retreating
Creating a boundary that feels more homely and yet I am all the more lonely
Conforming to this hurting its unearthing this ugly while I set in the corner of my mind struggling shaking and quaking raking and staking the land of my soul trying to claim it as my own with this name that is borrowed and this sight that is narrowed and a prophesy that's furrowed into my future dreams it seems they are transforming and I am hoping this knot it'll cease so that life can persists a little more free
The tightness is confining and my eyes cannot resist the need to create release through tears held back by fears shouting out, "The people might see"
They might see that I am not as strong as I pretend to be
My legs are jittery
I am proned to running
I have had this itch like a twitch in my limbs for far too many years
But my will is stronger than it used to be so I stay longer than I was intending
Rendering the deepening of roots of this tree that are preventing me from retreating
Creating a boundary that feels more homely and yet I am all the more lonely
Conforming to this hurting its unearthing this ugly while I set in the corner of my mind struggling shaking and quaking raking and staking the land of my soul trying to claim it as my own with this name that is borrowed and this sight that is narrowed and a prophesy that's furrowed into my future dreams it seems they are transforming and I am hoping this knot it'll cease so that life can persists a little more free
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