Free Writes

[It would be an understatement to say...]
It would be an understatement to say, “This is complicated.”
It is obviously confusing and the sheer number of parts with which we are dealing is innumerable
They lay, this ridiculous smattering of legos and puzzle pieces, sprawled across the floor of our hearts
So many, so messy, that we each, like children, rebellious to clean-up, deny ownership, refusing to claim any part of this disaster
Our Mother, our conscious, hovers over, pushing us to reconcile within the midst of this playmate situation
We are admonished to pick-up the pieces of life
Beckoned to place them on the appropriate shelves
To store them in bins and hope chests allowing the dust of age to settle upon dreams until they gray, years past turns them nightmares
But at least this playful moment, though chaotic, still beams with youthful bliss and ignorance
We have an obvious fascination for one another
Fancying the disposition of the other above options far less laborious because the challenge leaves us elated
We thus seem fated to sit in midst of the mess
Me in this dress of frustration and you in those pants marking you for an emasculated manhood where I will become your full-time nurturer and part-time lover

[With you...]
With you, life is so easy and yet love grows more and more complicated
I’ve trained myself to ignore this ever present tension
Our friendship remains the most painful position but I am convinced that the pain is merely a sign of how much it is worth
My heart and mind are always contorted wrapped up wishing that we could once again have this conversation cause I still can’t understand why we can’t be together
Our friendship flows like water
Forging paths through uncharted territory, namely my soul
And your presence a slow moving glacier leaves me cold to the many fish of the sea
They are a poor man’s love
But despite this knowledge
I turn to him with whom life is hard but passion comes easy
Never fully being what I’m wanting his touch is just enough to fill the gap
And each morning leaves me,
Fleeing the darkness that holds emotions compressed between the twilight of night and the dawn of day
The light of the passion expressed in action and the darkness of feelings never expressed in word
You hold my heart while I hold his hand leaving me heartless bound in the flesh to another man