Prayer

Yes, LORD your servant is listening. I recieve this calling. I am afraid of the responsibility, but I trust You LORD. I will mess up somewhere along the way and so I ask your forgiveness now (and will without a doubt ask again later). LORD, I know You are faithful. You will go before me, walk with me and stay when I leave. Will You come into where I am broken and make me usable? I love You LORD. I place my life in Your hands. This extra ordinary woman trusts You. Do something extraordinary in me LORD that I may serve You well.

Time will Tell

How is it that all once you can say...

Don't wait for him, but be patient with me.

Your too good for him, but I don't want you.

I love you, but I can't be with you.

I need you, but keep your distance.

You are the one, but I can't.

I tell you now...

It hurts me, but it won't kill me.

It bends me, but it won't break me.

I want you, but I don't need you.

I'd live life with you, but I can live without you.

I love you, but I can let go.

I'm waiting now, but not forever.

Time will tell.

Plane Rides

Plane rides give you a lot of time to think...

I was thinking...

I'd write you love letters with paper and pen.

I'd play guitar and sing to my heart's content every morning and every night.

I'd journal each day so as not to forget one moment of this life together.

I'd go to jazz and reggae clubs without reservation because I'm honestly there for the music.

I'd always have my camera so that I could capture those images that I'd otherwise see only once and inevitably have no one, at the time, to share it with.

I'd tell you I love you and this time you would hear me.

I'd ask for forgiveness and you would oblige.

I'd never miss a sunrise and would take time out to stare at the wonder of the sunset.

I'd think more and speak less.

I'd memorize the contours of your face and the texture of your laughs before you walk away from me.

I'd write my heart song so you could sing it with me.

I'd paint the pictures of my mind.

I'd tell stories that reveal truth and heal wounds.

I'd say those things of which I'm most afraid but most need to hear.

I'd ask with courage and faith those questions to which I know no earthly answer exists.

I'd stop toiling to my own avail and remember that one of the greatest gifts we have to give is our "touch". To touch one another physically, to touch each other's lives, to be touched and to receive touch--love.

I'd let You strip me naked of these grave clothes and clothe me as your bride--redeem me--redemption.

I'd let go of these insecurities and ignore the societal pressures and standards of beauty and acceptance.

I'd let go of my pride and let you inside.

I'd admit I'm afraid of the possibilities and so I write them off as impossible. I would in turn recognize the possibilities.

I'd rescue you if I could rescue myself.

I'd never worry if I could always remember Your in control--your footprints in the sand and my body in your hands.

I'd pray without ceasing if I could just get started.

Plane rides can give you too much time to think and just enough time to try to forget.

I Get Myself in Trouble

I swear I get myself in trouble.

I care so much, but by worldly standards I care too much. I don't want people to take me the wrong way and yet they do.

It is hard to be kind, friendly and compassionate without someone thinking:

1. You have other motives. Folks can't just be nice. It seems people always assume there are strings attached.

2. You are trying to holler. Usually not the case with me. I don't have enough guts to holler. Not to mention, I don't want to holler like this.

It is very frustrating. At what point does it become clear..."I honestly care. I don't have any other motives. I just care for you and your well-being. Can I do that? Can I be there for you?"

Anyhow, enough of my rant and rave...

Song Writer's Block

I got plenty of chords,
Plenty of bridges,
I've even got the chorus,
But I'm missin' the lyrics.

What's a heart to do,
When they can find the tune,
But the words are far and few,
Heart trapped,
Steady feelin'.

*I need some lyrics...*