Generally speaking... I suck at this thing called "life". The upside of sucking early on is that I have the prime opportunity to become the "MILL"--Most Improved 'Liver' in a Lifetime. Yes, yes, I know, doesn't everyone want to become a MILL.
Currently, I am sitting in my office, staring at a pile of junk that needs to be sorted and organized. I have more work to do this week than I did last week. I didn't get half-way through last week's to do list. Who am I kidding? I never get half-way through my to do list before another week starts. Can you imagine how many to do list are currently sitting on my desk? Well, none. I threw them all away in hopes that on Monday I can start over. (I'll dig them out of the trash when I get into the office on tomorrow morning. I need them.)
Additionally, I am struggling with my very own tale of two cities. Where shall I live next year? New York City or Seattle. New York City or Seattle. New York City or Seattle.
My mind is shouting, "just choose."
My heart is saying, "recognize the impact."
My soul is crying out for direction.
My body wants to sink.
I want to sink down a into hole of darkness. A hole so deep that the smallest light would seem as bright as the sun. Eventually I'll be forced to choose, but for now I'll sink deep into my bed far below my comforter tucked tightly in my sheets and the light of new day will do just fine for now.
There is a still small voice inside of me that beckons me to peace, calling me to rest, but I cannot stop this moving. This movement is my life. I fear that if I stop moving I will cease to exist. If I cease to exist have I therefore died?
And I'm lonely. Not lonely for friends. I have plenty. I am lonely for a companion. Someone with whom I share life. However, I'm not desperate. It has to be right. I'd be lieing if I didn't admit that I have someone in mind. If only they would oblige and follow suite I think we could be happy. That said, thinking is not knowing and the only way to know is to try. The only way to try is to oblige. In this instance my love is a ship without water. Lonely as I may be I am never hopeless. There is always hope. Just sometimes my hope is really tiny while other times it is really big and looks a little more like passion. Sometimes my passion is really tiny while other times it is really big and looks a little more like fire. (In those times it may even feel like fire.)
In the long run, I am happy, but not to be confused with joyful. However, I am that too. I am joyful. I am pry more joyful than I am happy. I suppose that is the way it should be since joy lasts a lot longer.
I miss you.
Isn't funny how some of the most powerful statements are the shortest.
The one's with three words seem to mean a lot.
I need you.
I want you.
I love you.
I miss you. I always seem to come back to this one.
God is good. I always seem to come back to this one too.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
"I miss you"... this one really gets me. I'm not often missed, and it means so much to hear it.
All of my friends are moving to NYC these days. Have you lived there previously?
Here's my .02 that you didn't ask for...
Do as many adventurous things as you can while you are young and without children. See the world, live everywhere you want to, live it up. As someone who hasn't had that opportunity, I think everyone else should do it in style!
-priya
Thank you Priya.
.02 well recieved. :)
And, "I miss you." I really do missing seeing you, Jazmine and Jason.
Hope to see you soon.
And, I hope the new digs are treating you well.
Miss you back! Let's go get a drink after my quarter is done. I'm in the thick of it right now, but it should be better soon. I hope. I hope. I hope.
Yes, yes. That sounds like a fine idea. I would love to grab a beverage.
Let me know when things calm down.
Post a Comment